Kidding Yourself
by MySummerSnow
Summary: Not only sparkly vampires exist. Tessa enters the Cullen world, a broken vamp, and falls for a man she's supposed to hate. Edward wants to persuade her to change Bella... and he'll do anything. Set at the end of Eclipse, rated K for now.


**Due to the icky events of Breaking Dawn, I decided to give Jacob someone else.**

**I don't own Twilight or any characters - Edward would have killed a few people by now otherwise.**

**I do, however, own Contessa - she's a character from a story I wrote yonks ago.**

**Enjoy! =D**

I thought I knew what they were from the moment I laid eyes on them.

White, flawless skin. Eyes that were too bright and unnaturally coloured. A fluid grace that I had had trouble mastering and many times slipped up. My dead heart rattled inside my chest as I surveyed them from between the trees, my mind on the man - the vampire - I'd loved. I love.

But their scent was wrong; they didn't smell like him, like me. The aroma was sweet. Sickly sweet, like sugar-coated roses.

I stepped out from between the trees and a few of the creatures immediately turned to me, glaring with their glittering eyes. Emotions flitted over the perfect features - hate, confusion, alarm.

Then they were all looking at me, a semi-circle of what I'd originally thought were vampires standing in front of a mountain edge, half-protective, half-offensive. They stared at me and the teenager in me wanted to throw out a sarcastic remark; the vampire in me wanted to fight.

My nerves burned when I detected a different scent, surrounded by the perfume cloud of sickly sweetness. The unmistakable scent of a human. It crept through my body, scratching at my throat. Blood, pulsing through hot veins and crashing through a fast-beating heart. The human was frightened.

I heard low, hissed words in rapid, bell-like voices.

"I can't read her", the bronze-haired boy said, his face hardened with determination.

"Me, neither", the blonde boy added.

Their eyes flickered to the pixie girl with short, dark hair as she whispered, "I can't see her".

This all happened within seconds, the longest of my unnatural life. I stood before creatures that resembled my love, my sire, and yet I couldn't be sure they were the same as him. For instance, they were protecting a human. I'd never seen a vampire do that. Not even me.

With a suppressed sigh I strolled from the tree line, across the calf-length grass. The beautiful creatures stiffened, their skin seeming to glimmer like the snow on the ground, and I heard the human girl stagger back a step.

A fresh sickliness wafted in from beside me as another one of the creatures tore from the forest. He looked like a member of the perfect family, except his behaviour was wildly different. His growls were feral' his moves were threatening.

Instantly, I was in combat mode, ignoring the growls of the other creatures as they shifted positions. I didn't care if they wanted to help while I killed the feral monster - I worked alone. I was too used to conflict and I bore the scars to prove it.

The creature leapt towards me and I caught him, crushing his arms with a squeeze of my hand. He fell to the ground, leaving his print in the snow, with a furious cry of pain, writhing beneath me and I held him between my knees. I was surprised by the toughness of his skin, like a marble casing. It was strong, but not too strong for my enlarged canine teeth. I bit into his neck, the marble skin cracking and tearing, shattering beneath the impact. I spat out the sweet flesh, the taste of stolen human blood in my mouth.

I glanced up. The creatures were staring at me, shocked. Confused.

"How do you kill it?" I asked, because I genuinely didn't know. The cold human blood dripped from my lips and I licked it away, delighting in the essence despite the tainted taste.

The blonde boy spoke, frowning.

"Rip him apart", he said.

"Burn the pieces", a tall, dark man finished.

I didn't wait for further instruction - that was enough for me. The bit had weakened the creature's neck and with a few sharp twists it was disconnected from the body. Absentmindedly, I wondered if the human was watching or if her beautiful protectors were shielding her eyes.

Continuing to tear at the skin and limbs, I pondered what they were. They looked like vampires but didn't smell like them, act like them, feel like them. The vampires I knew were sly, passionate creatures of the night. These were too… human.

I laughed inwardly. I'd been called a human vampire before, but that was because of my clumsiness and fidgety ways, the ability to walk in sunlight when I should have burst into flame, my compassion. The blood for me was never fresh and hot - it was always packaged and refrigerated. I wasn't a human killer - I could only destroy my own kind, the true evil of the world.

As I tossed the torn limbs into a pile, one of the creatures broke from the group and strode forward, a match box in her hand. I let the woman continue, stepping back. She placed some dry wood fallen from the trees over the pale limbs and set the twigs alight, backing away as the fire erupted in a sickly smoke. I wrinkled my nose and turned away.

The human girl caught my attention, her head appearing from behind the bronze-haired boy's arm. He was glaring at me with outraged curiosity. As were they all.

Except the girl. Her chocolate brown eyes were dull with fear, but steady with a human suspicion.

"What are you?" She asked. My body burned with the scent of her blood and I stood still, facing her with the barrier of creatures between us. Even though I would never kill her, I wondered if they would be able to tear me away after I'd sunk my teeth into her veins.

Before I could answer, an entirely new scent invaded my senses. The scent of nature, masculinity. Fire wood and sea breeze, heat and thunderstorms.

A man, tall and broad, tore from the line of trees, running. His skin was weathered naturally russet in colour. Muscles rippled beneath his skin, his bare chest radiating an unnatural warmth. I wondered if the snow would melt in his presence.

He stopped a few feet from the creatures, saw me and growled. As a natural response I crouched, snarling. The instant reaction was puzzling - I had no reason to hate this boy. He looked human to me, apart from the heat. His growl had been quite animalistic, too.

But that's what I felt shuddering through my body, quivering within my non-beating heart - hate. Something about this man triggered a cavewoman instinct, the instinct to destroy.

I watched his skin quiver, seeming to ripple over his bones, and that puzzled me more than the scents and the natural instincts. What the hell was he? What the hell were they?!

"Down, doggy", the blonde woman murmured, a seriousness to her bitter sarcasm.

"She killed a new born, Jake", the human said. There was concern in her trembling voice - concern for Jake's life. Concern for what I would do to him if he dared to pounce.

I smirked a little when the boy didn't relax out of his attack stance. I wondered if he was feeling the same inbuilt aversion to me that I had for him.

It took him a few long moments to relax and when he straightened, I followed suit.

"Hello", one of the creatures said. I looked at him. His voice had been gentle and polite, he was handsome with eyes glistening with a wisdom beyond his apparent age. He would be hard to hate. "I'm Carlisle Cullen, this is my family-" He gestured to the beauties around him, then gestured to the dark boy - "This is Jacob, a family friend". Someone snorted at that. "If you don't mind me asking, what's your name?"

I deliberated, not used to pleasantries with vampires. If they were vampires.

"Contessa", I answered, not bothering to use the abbreviated versions of Tess or Tessa. It hurt too much to remember the voices calling me by my shortened name - the laughs of my friends, the calls of my parents, the whispers of my only love.

Carlisle smiled, stepping forward. He was obviously spokesperson of the family.

"Hello, Contessa. I suppose you know what it is you just killed", he said with a warm laugh. I blanched, folding my arms.

"Actually, I don't". The creatures glanced at each other, unsure of me all over again. Carlisle frowned.

"A vampire, Contessa", he said as if it were obvious. "You killed a vampire - surely you know of their existence if you are able to slay one?"

I laughed humourlessly, a habit from my teen years when I was faced with an all too serious situation. "I know of their existence because I am a vampire. You can't be vampires because you smell…" I wrinkled my nose. "Wrong". I didn't miss the tiny curve of the dark boy's lips as he folded his arms. He found my words amusing. Or merely truthful.

Carlisle stepped forward again and I felt like he was too close for comfort. I stepped back.

"We are vampires, I assure you", he continued, the sincerity hard to mistake. "Are you really a vampire? You don't seem like any I've seen before".

On the defensive, I scowled. "I'm a vampire, okay? And I don't relish vampiric company so I think I'll be leaving. Sorry for killing one of your men".

"He wasn't ours", the tall, dark creature said, slightly amused by the occurrences.

I raised my hands. "At least I can leave with a clear conscience", I smiled, mock-brightly. I turned to stalk back through the trees but Carlisle's voice stopped me. For a moment I thought he was going to touch me, rest a hand on my shoulder, but he thought better of it.

"Please, Contessa, could you stay for a few hours?" He asked. "Come back to our home. I want so much to talk with you, and thank you for helping to destroy the newborn". His golden eyes sparkled. "Please. Just a few hours of your time".

I could tell that the rest of his family weren't pleased with his invitation. They were still weighing up the issue of trust. But it was seven of them against one of me, not including the hot-skinned boy and the human. They were safe in relation to me.

But the human in me couldn't refuse Carlisle's invitation. He was too polite, too kind.

I rolled my eyes, sighing a little. "Okay. But just for a few hours, I'm really thirsty. Do you have any blood at your place?"

We began walking towards the rest of the group, who were shifting around and mumbling to each other, staring at me with hooded eyes. All golden eyes, I noticed.

Carlisle frowned, his interest peaking. "You don't drink human blood?"

"Yeah, I do, but not from the source", I smirked. He nodded and smiled, clearly calmed by my answer. Their little human pet was safe. Maybe she was royalty, sent to be protected by vampires?

I looked behind me at the girl. She didn't look like royalty. But she had two handsome boys, one on either side of her, clearly vying for her affections. And it was clear that the bronze-haired boy won those affections. I wondered why. Wouldn't she prefer the warm, soft skin to the hard marble?

But I knew what it was like to be her. Remembering my failed love, I instantly disliked the bronze-haired boy and what he had the power to do to the girl. Turn her, leave her.

I followed Carlisle through the forest, the stream of 'vampires' following behind. Their new scent itched my nose and I coughed a few times. I wondered what I smelt like to them.

Eventually we reached the house. I won't bother describing it because I wouldn't want to increase my jealousy I felt for the large, modern space. Upon seeing the house I remembered the rotten motels I'd stayed in, the nights I'd slept on forest beds. These vampires had a house, a family. They were too human and I was beginning to dislike them for it.

Carlisle held the door open for me and I stepped in. He led me to the kitchen.

"We have some blood from the hospital, I believe", he murmured, opening the large fridge in the white kitchen. I frowned at the shelves of food stocked within - don't tell me they eat, too?

Within moments he'd found a packet of dark red blood and a white mug, and brought them over to the kitchen table for me. Uncomfortably, the rest of the family settled into chairs around the table, all facing in my direction. The human was sat furthest away from me, the dark boy was directly opposite and clearly not happy. But intrigue glittered in his dark eyes. Eyes that reminded me of him…

Absentmindedly, I touched my necklace, then sighed and poured the cold blood into the mug.

Carlisle sat in the remaining seat beside me, catching my attention.

"I'll introduce us all first", he said smoothly. He began gesturing to each creature - the blonde boy was Jasper, the blonde girl was Rosalie, the tall, dark guy was Emmet, the bronze-haired boy was Edward, the human was Bella, the pixie girl was Alice. and the woman who'd set fire to the shredded vampire was Esme. Jacob had already been introduced and he sat back in his chair, his arms folded. I noticed how his nose wrinkled every so often, how he cleared his throat almost as much.

I sipped the blood, feeling it pulse through my veins. Overcome by hunger, I chugged the entire mug and waited. My heart would start to beat soon, beat with the new blood. I would feel warmer, too - my cold skin would radiate warmth as long as my heart would beat.

Ha, I thought. Now who's human?

And, surely enough, as my heart shuddered to life within my chest, feeling like a drum against my ribcage, the vampires around me started.

"Your heart's beating?" The pixie girl, Alice, asked incredulously. I pressed my lips together and nodded.

"Doesn't yours start beating when you drink blood?" I asked, squeezing the remainder of the blood from the plastic bag into the mug.

"No, it doesn't", Carlisle muttered. I narrowed my eyes at them, tossing the bag aside on the table.

"What kind of vampires are you?" I asked, draining the rest of the blood.

"What kind are you?" Rosalie bit back. I raised an eyebrow at her. I would take her on if that's what she wanted. She was the most beautiful of them all, but clearly not the nicest.

"Please, Rose", Carlisle eased. She frowned and leaned back. He looked at me again. "Contessa, could you explain to me… to us… what it means for you to be a vampire? Your habits, your life".

I waited as the silence stretched out. My mind played on the fact that I was about to describe my life as a vampire to a group of vampires. As if they all had amnesia and couldn't remember how to survive.

I sighed, playing with the mug handle. "My kind can't go out in the sunlight - they burn to a cinder. But the oldest and strongest of our kind can walk in sunlight unharmed, and it's because I was changed by the strongest that enables me to walk around in the day". Images of my first day in a new life flitted through my mind, haunting me with the sound of my own screams. "I sleep, usually in a fridge or freezer because the cold slows the hunger and enables me to stay calm around humans". I glanced at Bella. For a moment I bit my lip, then I sighed. "My kind aren't the kind to live together in houses", I pointed out, glancing around at the kitchen. "Every one of us is fighting the other".

"Is the scar on your hand a result of this?" Esme asked, her voice as gentle and kind and Carlisle's. I glanced to the scar on my hand, a pale pink bite mark. I had more on other parts of my body, parts that were concealed by my coat and jeans.

"Yeah", I nodded, sliding my hand from the table and placing it in my lap. I continued awkwardly. "When I drink blood my heart beats and my skin grows warm. Momentarily". For a moment I thought a few of them would reach out to touch me - they seemed to shift in their seats, then decided against reaching out.

I pressed my lips together and touched the necklace on my neck, the locket with a picture inside. A miniature memory.

Alice leaned forward, gazing at the necklace. "Your necklace is so pretty", she smiled, touching it with dainty fingers. I smiled a little.

"Thanks", I said.

"Can I open it?" She asked, her large eyes on my face. I paused for a moment, about to scream no, but then I wondered why I should bother to refuse.

I untied the ribbon and held it out to her. She took it, sitting back in her seat and opening the silver locked. Inside was a painted picture from centuries ago, a miniature portrait of Dracula. The original vampire. The only being I've ever loved.

"Who is he?" Alice asked, looking up from the portrait. A few of the others leaned in to look at the necklace.

I smiled a little, folding my arms. "Dracula", I answered. They all scowled at me.

"He doesn't exist", Emmet said.

"Oh, he exists", I laughed, sounding a little hysterical. I remembered the man I had loved more than humanly possible, the womaniser who had left me to perish in the sun on my first morning as a vampire. Unconscious; undead.

I sighed, continuing in a quick rush before I lost conviction.

"I met him when I was sixteen and we fell in love. He turned me when I was seventeen, and the pain was unbearable. I was unconscious for the last moments of the change, and during this time he carried me outside. Because he's the strongest one, he can stand in daylight without being harmed. As I was a newborn, he thought I would burst into flames and die". I glanced around, my eyes fixing on a point outside the window. "He stopped loving me the moment I turned into what he was. He left me in the courtyard of his mansion, lying in the pathway of the sun as it rose. He left before I woke up".

The silence seemed to weigh me down and I rolled my shoulders back, easing the tension that was tugging at every muscle in my body. My heart was beating with a strange defiance, as if to say to Dracula that his murder attempt had failed. I was still here. I was still her. His Tess.

"What happened?" The human whispered, her eyes glazed with distant thoughts.

I smiled humourlessly, fiddling with a button on my jacket. "I woke up just as the sun touched my shoulder and I began screaming. The pain is worse than being turned, worse than death". I shook my head, laughing in remembrance. "I pulled myself up and ran towards the door, screaming for Dracula. The door was locked and I banged and banged, the vampire strength not quite ready for me to use. The sun hit my back and burned away my t-shirt, blistering my skin beneath. I still have the scars". They seemed to burn as I talked, itching against my clothing.

"Would you mind if I…?" Carlisle asked quietly, trailing off. I glanced at him, then nodded. I turned in my seat so my back was to him and the rest of the family. I shrugged out of my coat and pulled my t-shirt over my head. I sat there in my bra, feeling little self-consciousness as I heard the vampires gasp because I was too used to the scars to feel anything for them anymore.

Carlisle's cold fingers touched the scars gently, prodding the large burn. His touch was methodical, as if he had a system to his exploration. I wondered if it was possible for a vampire to be a doctor.

I should know more than anyone that anything's possible.

"How old are you, Contessa?" Carlisle asked in a calm voice, still touching the scars. Now that my arms were bare, more vampire marks were visible - bites and scratches marring my skin. The sun burn covered most of my back, spreading over my right arm and shoulder.

"Twenty", I answered quietly.

"So young?" He asked, sliding my bra strap away to touch the rest of the scar.

"Yep", I answered.

"But you're so strong", Alice contradicted. I recognised her high, wind chime voice and laughed.

"I was turned by Dracula so I gained his strength". I looked down at the chair. "He didn't think of that when he left me to die".

"How can the person you love do that to you?" Bella wondered aloud.

I shrugged. Carlisle retracted his hands and I pulled my t-shirt back on. I turned around and held my hand out for the necklace. Alice handed it over.

Every golden eye and every brown eye was saddened with my story. I sat beneath their pitying gaze, their hearts breaking for me. I tied the necklace back in place.

"You still love him?" Jasper asked quietly. I nodded, smiling.

"I'm stubborn like that", I mocked. Jacob glanced at Bella - a fleeting stare that smouldered in his eyes.

Feeling too restless and awkward with the strangers, I wrinkled my nose against the scent and turned to Carlisle.

"Do you have a, erm, large fridge or freezer of some kind?" I asked, knowing how ridiculous I sounded and not caring. "I would like to sleep for a while, if that's okay".

"Of course", he obliged, standing. He asked Emmet to help and they walked over to the kitchen, talking. The rest of the family's eyes were still on me, the sadness crushing me with waves beneath which I'd drowned three years ago.

There were crashing sounds from the other side of the kitchen as Carlisle and Emmet pulled the shelves of food out of the fridge and dumped them on the counter. Now that the fridge was empty, it was big enough for someone to lie in. they turned it on it's side, the door open flat again the floor. I stood up, thanked them, then crawled in and closed the door behind me.

For hours I tried to block out the sounds of their hushed conversations. They weren't suspicious of me anymore, but a few of them were wary about having a new vampire in the house. A couple of them called me a newborn - they had no idea how brilliant my self control was. I've always been tempted by a human's blood, but always unable to take it. Unable to end a life that I have no right to.

The cold of the fridge chilled me all over and I listened to my heart as it thumped it's last beat for the day. I closed my eyes against the darkness and slept, a dreamless sleep of death.

**Review & I'll write more **

**xxx **


End file.
